


Deja Vu

by Halvwyn



Series: Life of the Party Ficlets and Fics [6]
Category: Life of the Party D&D (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Crying, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Pet Names, Psychological Trauma, Renard background spoilers, Repressed Memories, Spoilers, Trauma, Vanden really needs a hug, and Kahnym really needs to die, terms of endearment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23406829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halvwyn/pseuds/Halvwyn
Summary: “Vanden!”A woman’s scream pierced through his ears, calling his name. Groaning, Vanden forced his eyes open.That voice...Groaning as the world spun around him, Vanden forced himself upright. He could hear the distant clatter of weapons, the screams of the dying, someone calling his name. Mother... “Mother!”
Relationships: Cassian/Renard (Life of the Party)
Series: Life of the Party Ficlets and Fics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681585
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	Deja Vu

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! It's Bluesday on the LOTP discord, and I can't sleep, so I decided to write this up to contribute!  
> This is _very_ angst heavy, and while not explicit as in gore, does discuss a death scene with a decent amount of detail, so be warned!  
> One day, I'll stop torturing poor Vanden, but today is not that day.  
> **Also, though the small details are how I imagine things went, spoiler alert for Vanden's back story!!**

“ _ Vanden!”  _

A woman’s scream pierced through his ears, calling his name. Groaning, Vanden forced his eyes open.  _ That voice...  _ Groaning as the world spun around him, Vanden forced himself upright. He could hear the distant clatter of weapons, the screams of the dying, someone calling his name.  _ Mother...  _ “Mother!”

Ignoring the sharp pain lancing through him from a gash in his side, Vanden took off down the hallways of the Silver Fortress. He followed the familiar halls and passages, the noises growing louder as his mind raced faster.  _ This can’t be happening. Not again. I can’t go through this again.  _ As if to outrun his own thoughts, Vanden pushed harder. He broke into an uneven run, blood staining his riding jacket and hair sticking to his face and neck. “Mother, I’m coming!” he called out, skidding around the final corner between him and where he knew his mother would be.

Vanden’s stomach dropped as he took in the scene before him. More vivid than any glimpse his fractured memory allowed him, stood his mother. Her gown was torn, hair knotted and wild, blood dripping from a cut on her cheek as she stepped slowly backwards and away from the white-furred gnoll leering down at her. Ice began to swim through his veins as Vanden reached for a rapier that wasn’t there, shaking his head frantically as his mind once more began to race. “Please...” he choked out, voice barely a whisper as Kahnym reared back to land what he knew now would be the final blow.

His mother’s eyes, wet with unshed tears, met his, her lips silently moving as the blow struck true, “Vanden, run!”

Words he never heard said echoed in his ears and head as he fell to his knees. “Vanden,run!” 

The room began to spin, vision beginning to fade to black at the edges, “Vanden,run!”

He can’t tell who’s screaming, maybe it’s him. “Vanden!”

“Vanden!”

“ _ Vanden!  _ Come on now, Love, wake up.”

Vanden woke up screaming, arms lashing out as a fist he hadn’t realized he made connected with something hard, earning a grunt from whoever he hit. “ _ Shit,  _ that hurt.” the voice beside him hissed. It was familiar, soothing, an accent he knew was usually purred.

It was a long moment, the air heavy with tension, before he managed to talk stock of where he was. Four walls, simple but not undecorated, two dressers, sitting side-by-side, and two desks at opposite sides of the room,  _ his  _ room. Swallowing heavily, he slowly turned to look to the man beside him.

Cassian sat on his side of the bed, carefully not touching the other man as he pressed the heel of his palm to his bleeding lower lip. “Cas...” Vanden licked his lips, voice hoarse and throat dry, before continuing, “are you alright?” 

In lieu of answering, the elf pulled back his hand with a sigh before catching his partner’s eye. “I believe I should be asking you that. I have not seen you that upset it in...in a very long time.” Without breaking his gaze, Cassian slowly reached out a hand, stopping at the edge of Vanden’s peripheral vision, “Can I touch you?”

Vanden hesitated a brief moment before slowly nodding, letting out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding as an ever-cool palm gently cupped his cheek, leaving only long enough to tuck a wild strand of hair behind his ear. He leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering closed.

He wasn’t sure how long it was before Cassian spoke again, startling Vanden despite the intentional lowness of his voice, “Let’s lay back down, Van. It’s still the middle of the night,” he murmured, slowly coaxing the ginger back down against his pillows with whispered praise and gentle, carefully announced touches. 

After a short while, they were both lying down, Cassian on his back as Vanden pressed himself into his side, cold toes against his calf and head on his chest. Fingers tangled gently in Vanden’s hair, earning a hum of acknowledgement as they began to carefully work out the tangles left from his earlier thrashing. “...I watched her die, Cassian,” Vanden muttered into his partner’s chest, voice barely more than a harsh whisper. The hand in his hair haltered at the admission before continuing at a carefully measured pace, “I...I watched it happen again, and there was...there was still...”

The words broke off into a choked sob, Vanden caught between pressing closer and withdrawing from the bed entirely. Cassian shifted to press a slow, gentle kiss to the top of his lover’s head, free hand crossing over his body to rub soothing circles into Vanden’s arm. “I’m not going to tell you that you are alright, because you clearly aren’t, but you  _ are  _ safe, Vanden.” He spoke softly, tone soft and soothing. 

Another sobbed pushed past Vanden’s lips, tears freely flowing at this point. After a hiccuping breath, Vanden spoke once more, “Gods... there was,” he swallowed hard, fighting back the tears, “there was nothing I could do, even in my own  _ damn  _ dream.” Vanden spit out the last few words, reaching up to rub harshly at his eyes before Cassian tutted chidingly, reaching up to tangle Vanden’s fingers with his own.

Silence fell over them once more, Cassian knowing better than to pry deeper into his partner’s nightmares. Neither man was sure how much more time passed before Vanden’s breath evened out and began to deepen, eyes drifting closed, but it was only then that Cassian spoke, “Better?”

Vanden hummed in agreement, seeming to nuzzle into Cassian and pressing himself closer, “Thank you.”

“Nothing to thank me for. Now sleep, _Caro_ , I’ll be here the whole time.”

And he was.


End file.
